Another Time

She passed through the door and suddenly knew
Something clicked with the latch-
A thought, so calm, so sure
If one pill could make her happy
Then twenty could bring-
A release from eternal suffering.

And if one pill made her sleep
Then twenty would surely keep-
The darkness upon her forever.

Swallow them down. All of them.

At what point in this conversation
Do I stop chewing?

Let on that this dinner is different from the rest
The wine is fine, but she’s not eating

From the end of a long hallway, I see
Down the path she did not take
Toward the phone call she did not make.

The ambulance does not arrive
And she, this time,
Is no longer alive.

I stop chewing.
And try to swallow it down. All of it.

Two calamari rings
Stare up from her plate
Wondering

She moves the lemon wedge to form
A smiley face
Don’t worry, be happy

She woke the next morning and thought only-
I have failed myself yet again.